a little poem for critique  

Posted by John Isak


Commitment,
Do I tie myself to down to the earth and sameness, when the
One thing that could make me
fly
is my anchor to conformity?

Just a touch and I rise elated with hope like that of a third world country
That just found natural resources they never knew of.
But
What if I stop feeling this joy at some point?

What if at some point I
Stop
 seeing the joy breaking out of me and
smashing down all the walls in my vicinity?

I won’t.
This bursting elation is one to last,
One to be my anchor and
Means of flight at the same time. 

here is a poem I wrote recently. If anyone has any ideas or criticisms then lay them on me. Spare no harshness, I don't mind. 
I feel as though at times I put my feelings into words so it is hard for a reader to interpret what I am saying. There are generally roots to reality in my writing, but I tend to struggle with making my feelings and emotions link to a concrete image or activity on earth that coincide. I guess this is concrete language which I need to use more. 
I feel like people need something to hold onto in a poem. If there is no aspect of normality or concreteness it just drifts away and doesn't stay anchored in the memory. At times it is fun to write whimsically though. Sometimes it is nice to drift from topic to topic spending time on some subjects and letting others drift by. I guess this is what the muse write is, to let the thoughts in your mind roll by your eyes, but only focus on the thoughts that spark an emotion. 




This entry was posted on Friday, April 27, 2012 at 4/27/2012 12:20:00 PM . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

2 comments

I really liked the poem you wrote. It does have a lot of emotions and i do like all the imagery you have in the poem.

April 29, 2012 at 10:11 AM

c: I really liked your poem. I especially liked "Just a touch and I rise elated with hope like that of a third world country That just found natural resources they never knew of." There's something true, yet poetic about that that drew me to it. The emotion in your words is very strong, but I also think you could make it more effective by adding a bit more imagery.

April 29, 2012 at 3:01 PM

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